Signs Of A Controlling Relationship And What To Do About It

by Inspiration4Living.com

Do you feel like you could be in a controlling relationship? Here are some typical signs of one, and what you can do about the situation if you do happen to be in one.

In the typical trusting relationship, you are confident your partner will support you no matter what, simply because of the respect he / she has for you; and you realize each time something does negatively take place between you, it will be an opportunity for the relationship to become more solid while the two of you grow in admiration for each other.

They are chances for the two of you to be challenged in your appreciation of each other and a willingness to be vulnerable believing the two of you to be allies and not enemies of one another.

Controlling relationships are by contrast quite different. The mutual admiration trusting relationships are built on does not exist. Instead of growing together and working for each other in a partnership that builds up and feeds positive energy to teach other, a controlling relationship is one sided and self centered by the individual with the need to control.

Often, one of the partners is criticized when they try to contribute to the relationship. If they come up with an idea, it is rejected or perhaps if you do make plans, the controlling partner will change them without notice. Another characteristic of a controlling relationship is possession of the other’s time – most probably time that was once spent with his / her friends or family. Suddenly the support system you once had is limited to the dominant partner.

While in a healthy relationship, it is evident to all that your partner brings out the best in you and, vice versa, in a controlling relationship, when the negative continues to happen, you, yourself, choose to stay away to keep them from getting hurt and / or yourself from getting put down in front of them. It is better than spending your time apologizing for the other’s actions or making excuses or defending his / her decisions concerning you. One of the most hurtful aspects of a controlling relationship in conjunction with your family will be the way your partner treats them – usually with little respect or consideration.

Other signs might be your discovery of half truths or discrepancies in the things he / she tells you. It might be more like he / she is planning certain conversations rather than the two of you sharing things that have happened with each other at the end of the day.

It is hard to say why relationships change but if yours is important to you, the one thing you cannot do is continue in it as it is. Though it may be hard for you, a conversation about how you feel must take place. If it is insecurity, then the issue must be dealt with. If it is low self esteem or jealousy that causes him / her to need to be in control, then that issue must be dealt with. This is important as it could mean your safety or the safety of your family.

Recognize that it may be necessary to see a counselor and be willing to commit to doing such. Gently encourage, if possible, your partner to attend with you. If he / she will not and the behavior continues, you may have to leave the relationship even though you feel you love the other person.

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